2 Steps Forward 1 Step Back

This week was wonderful for several reasons. Most importantly, this week (today actually) is Jason's 25th Birthday! We had a wonderful time going out to dinner on Friday night to celebrate, and when we got home I gave him his present early because I am terrible at waiting for exciting things. I was so excited that I did not even wrap it, I just walked into the room with the present behind my back, sang happy birthday, then handed him the box labeled P90X. For those of you that know Jason, you know that he is already very fit, so no this was not one of those "I'm trying to tell you something by disguising it as a gift" gifts. However, everyone gets bored with the same routine over and over again, and this looked like a great way to mix things up with his workout routine by adding in some new elements he would not normally choose to do on his own. Also, I plan on jumping in for the non "bulk up" workouts such as yoga, abs, and kick boxing. This will be amazing cross training for my running and a great way to spend quality time with Jason. We took our "before" pictures and measurements today, I am excited to watch our progress over the next 90 days.

Another reason that this week was wonderful is that I came home from Winston-Salem on Wednesday night for the rest of the work week! I typically travel for my job and am used to being away from home most weeks Monday - Friday. Being home meant getting to run in Charlotte with Jason and the dogs on a weekday, such an unexpected treat. Thursday morning the alarm clock went off at 6am and I rolled out of bed, so happy to be rolling out of my own bed and not a hotel's. I started getting ready and asked Jason if he was still up for coming. He slowly got himself up and ready as well, then we made our way downstairs to leash up the pups. Unfortunately, Roxie seems to be having allergy issues again and has been licking her paws quite a bit. It looks as though one of them is slightly cracked, so we decided she should rest and let that heal, which left Reese as the solo dog for this run. Reese can be hit or miss when running without Roxie. She loves the two on one attention from us, but she is very skittish when outside the house away from the security of having Roxie right by her side. In the past this has occasionally led to Reese pulling towards whatever direction she thinks is home with all of her might for the duration of the run, which is just not fun. Luck was on our side that day and Reese looked thrilled to be outside running with us. She led the way to the greenway with her tail up and her ears flopping happily with each step. The sun was still low in the sky and the heat had not yet rolled in for the day, it was perfect. While alone on the greenway as we trotted along towards the 1 mile mark I wondered if life could possible get much better than this. In Sunday school this week the topic was about moments of stillness being the time that we are able to take in the beauty of the world around us and feel the presence of God. Even though we were running, this was one of those moments. 

The third reason this week was wonderful is that I received the all clear from my Dr. regarding my training. It has been three months since my stress fracture and I have followed the Dr's orders every step of the way hoping for this moment to arrive. He gave me final instructions to have fun running again, not to worry about slight soreness when not actively running, but that if it started to hurt during I run I needed to stop and rest again. I thanked him and walked out feeling as though a huge weight had been lifted, little did I know my joy would be short lived. Saturday morning the alarm clock went off and I jumped out of bed knowing today would be my first 5 mile attempt in months. Jason rode his bike next to me as we started towards the greenway, and we talked about today being an easy run to slowly work my mileage back up. I had done two 3 mile runs so far, 5 should not be too hard right? Wrong. At the 2.5 mile mark I had to stop for a walk break. My legs felt like lead, my lungs were burning, and I had a horrible side stitch. After 2 minutes of walking I started back up again, determined to run the complete distance. The next 2.3 miles went by with little trouble as my legs had finally woken up and the stitch in my side was less sharp. The final .2 miles were up the big hill next to our house, and I wanted to work it. I took off up the hill and within seconds was panting hard. Jason looked at me nervously every few seconds, I probably sounded as though I would collapse any moment I was wheezing so loudly. I did not care though, I was free and I was pushing hard to finish the hill. For a split second almost at the top I felt a sharp pain shoot down my leg where the stress fracture had been, then it went away as quickly as it had come. 10 seconds later I was at the top of the hill, walking slowly to cool down. I had finished the 5 mile run successfully but I was a bit scared. What was that pain, and would it have come back had I kept running? The Dr. told me I was clear to run just 24 hours before, what was happening? The rest of the day it did not hurt much, but there was this dull ache every once in a while that kept me nervous and cautious.

I have decided to take at least one week off of running to monitor the pain and then decide what to do. I want 5 pain free days in a row before I consider running again, and until then I am excited to try out the non impact P90X workouts. Also I can take advantage of our stationary bike to work a bit more on my lungs as that seems to be my biggest weakness at the moment. As far as long term planning goes, I have made a few other decisions due to the additional time off I am planning for this week and potentially next. The Steamtown Marathon in Scranton, PA looks like it will be too much of a stretch this year. My goal for this entire year in the marathon has been to break 3 hours, which has proven to be an elusive barrier so far. Given that Steamtown is now 16 weeks away, I have no base mileage, and I am going to take 7-14 additional days off, it just does not make sense to keep this race on my schedule. The Richmond Marathon is scheduled for the 2nd weekend of November and I am leaning towards this as my fall marathon. I am not sure if my goal for the year will remain to break 3 hours, it would be silly to commit to that when I cannot even run 5 miles at the moment without pain. So, for now, my goal is this: To successfully train for and complete the Richmond Marathon. Time goals will be determined later, I am happy with this for now.

For the next month I'll be chasing down the time I lost from this unplanned step back. That is ok though, things in life worth attaining are always worth waiting for. 

Let the Mind Games Begin

This week of running has been wonderful and difficult all at the same time. The joy attained merely from running in circles around the track at Wake Forest is indescribable. My body is revelling in the feeling of propelling myself forward one step at a time for the sole purpose of moving. As soon as I am done running for the day I begin craving the arrival of tomorrow, so I can experience the elation again. My mind, however, is another story. The moment I reach for my running shoes, my leg begins to hurt. Not like a dull ache sort of hurt, a sharp, stabbing sensation. The funny part is that it does not always hurt in the same spot, it just hurts. Sometimes it is my ankle, sometimes just below my knee, and the most scary times it hurts right where the stress fracture was. It is all in my mind, but it still causes me to pause and go through a brief mental battle before lacing up my shoes and heading out the door. The first few steps I am terrified that I am making the wrong decision, and that I should back off for another week or two, however after just 30 seconds of pain free running I am alway glad that I went for it. All four runs this week were great, but two in particular stand out.

Tuesday was supposed to be an easy day at work, and I was planning to head to the Wake Forest track for my first run of the week at 6 pm. One thing led to another in my preparations for class the next day, and I looked down at my watch as I walked out the door to find it was already 7 pm. This was probably better than leaving at 6 since the sun would still be up for another hour, but the temperature had cooled some. As I approached the locker room a shooting pain went down my left leg, my mind was making its first move in battle. I began to change into running clothes telling myself that the whole purpose of coming to the track was to run on a soft, rubber surface, and that my leg does not really hurt. My mind countered this with a sharp pain in my knee, and it buckled a bit as I took my first step towards the track. I decided to calm myself down by stretching, so I sat down to loosen things up and watch the other runners on the track. One of the most fun parts of being on a track is that you can see the other runners at all times. There are usually a few Wake students there jogging, some people who look like they came from work, and then there are always a few students that look like they are affiliated with one of the college's sports teams doing speed drills. Before I got injured I used to love timing my drills with theirs and feeding off of their speed to help push my workouts harder. This time though, I felt almost ashamed to be seen running next to these people that were clearly in much better shape than myself. I decided to start my run by jogging the wrong way in the outer lane. I was hoping this would give the impression of "I am really fast and just came here for some easy laps." Unfortunately I think the desired effect was lost and that instead people thought I was a slow girl trying to get in shape at the local track and did not know which way to run. Nevertheless, as soon as I finished the first lap I stopped worrying about what everyone else there thought, this felt good. It felt so good, that I decided to run faster on the next lap. After a short while, a mile had come and gone in 7 minutes and 30 seconds. I could not believe it, a 7:30 mile! My lungs were burning and my muscles were threatening to lock up, but I felt wonderful so I kept pushing. At the finish of my second mile the watch again clicked off a 7:30 pace and I slowed down to walk for my cool down. I was so happy and so mad at myself all at once. Happy because I felt like I still "have it" and mad because I know it was absolutely stupid to go that fast on my 3rd run since being in a boot with a stress fracture. I promised myself not to let that happen again, and then allowed myself a small moment of pride in what I had just accomplished. The next day at the track I was sure not to exceed an 8:30 pace, and my lungs were thankful for the rest.

On Saturday back in Charlotte after a few days off I decided it was time for a run on the 3 mile greenway trail. I wanted to enjoy a slow easy pace and have some quality family time with Jason and the pups. I was a little more distracted as we got ready to run this time as leashing up three excited dogs can be challenging (our two, plus Scout - our friend's dog that we have for the week). The mind games didn't start until the the front door had shut behind us on our way out, then I had a quick moment of panic. My watch wasn't finding the satellites quickly, it was hot outside, and my leg hurt; I came so close to talking myself out of running. Fortunately Roxie really needed the workout and looked anxious to get a move on, my watch linked up, and we took off before I could debate the matter any further. All went well for the first 1.5 miles. The dogs were great and ran happily in a little pack next to us, and the heat wasn't too bad once we reached the shade of the greenway. After we hit the turnaround though, things changed. One by one each dog started lagging behind, and we began to wonder if the heat was just too much for them to handle. At the 2 mile mark we decided it was unsafe to push the dogs any further, and Jason offered to take all three of them and walk the last mile slowly so that I could finish up. He knew that I was excited about running 3 miles today, and wanted me to reach my goal without having to worry about the health of our dogs in the process. As I rounded a corner and ran out of site from Jason and the dogs, I heard this horrible high pitched bark/whimper/squealing noise coming from their direction. For a split moment I debating running back to check on them, but figured Reese saw a squirrel or something and would soon quiet down. Then a few seconds later I heard the noise again, but louder. I turned back to look for them only to see Jason and all three dogs running towards me full steam ahead! Apparently the dogs did not fancy the idea of being left behind on our family run, and pulled Jason as fast as they could to catch back up with me. I was so happy to see them coming my way and wish I had a picture to share because it did look a bit funny seeing Jason fly around the corner with three dogs at a full sprint. Their excitement was short lived though, because as soon as we were reunited they slowed down again. Seeing how upset they had been the first time I left we decided to slow the pace and enjoy the last little bit at whatever pace the dogs wanted. I got my three miles, and they did it with me. I realized after our run that I had been so focused on making sure the dogs were doing alright that I had not once thought about my leg. Hopefully this will help me convince myself that I am healed, and the mind games will stop. Until then, I'll keep looking forward to the next battle. At least I know that if there is a fight, it will be followed by a run.

The Sweetest Mile

This week I was reminded of just how long a mile really is. In order to explain why a mile would seem longer this week than any other, some background information is necessary.

The past 8 weeks I have been recovering from a stress fracture in my left leg caused by over training after the Myrtle Beach Marathon in February. I did take some much needed time off immediately following the marathon, but instead of easing back into things I jumped straight into heavy mileage again. Although I have never had shin splints before I heard that they can be quite painful, so when my left leg began to hurt I brushed it off as a nuisance that would soon subside. After two weeks of trying to ignore the increasingly sharp pain in my leg while running, the pain turned into a constant stabbing sensation at all times regardless of my being in motion or at rest. I fought the reality at first that I had all the signs of a stress fracture, convincing myself that if I just rested for a bit then it would all go away. After two more weeks of denial, I finally gave in to the fact the a visit to the doctor was the next step.

Once at the doctor's office my suspicions were confirmed, and I was sentenced to 5 weeks in the boot. Jason and I had already planned a week long trip to California the next week so that I could compete in the Big Sur Marathon with my running buddy, Tyler, go wine tasting in Napa and Sonoma Valley, and see the sites of San Francisco with my sister and brother-in-law, the Tilts. The thought of missing the marathon, then doing wine country and San Francisco in a boot was so depressing that at one point I tried to talk Jason out of us going all together. Fortunately, we did go on our trip, and had a wonderful time. Cheering on my friend as she chased down the Big Sur finish line was surprisingly uplifting. I had forgotten how contagious the excitement of marathon day can be. Wine country was even better than we had expected, and our time in San Francisco was perfect. During our limited amount of time there we visited with Jason's sister Christine and her husband Andrew, were able to meet up with our good friend from Charlotte, Mary Leigh, and we even came up with a nickname for my boot, "Bessie."

Back in Charlotte after our trip I settled into a "normal" life as a non runner. I watched the beautiful spring days turn into hot summer ones and knew that when I did eventually run again my body missed the transition time from cold to hot weather. I worked much later at work than ever before because, well, why not right? I told myself I would swim to keep my cardio up, but that's really not my passion, and I made one excuse after another to avoid the pool most days.

Finally, after what felt like forever but in reality was such a small amount of my life, the doctor said the words I had been longing to hear, "you can take your boot off now." I am pretty sure that was followed with statements like "but you need to go slow" and "only if you are careful" and the one I know I pretended not to hear "you should keep it close by just in case your leg starts to hurt again." All I heard were the words of freedom. Of course, even though I knew better, the first words out of my mouth were "when can I run?" He just laughed while telling me to try walking and see how stiff my now atrophied leg felt with a normal range of motion.

Two weeks after following the doctor's orders and doing absolutely nothing but living life as a non-boot-wearing-non-runner, it was time to put it to the test. Last weekend I rode a bike for the first time with my good friend Erica and all seemed to be in order. I spent the following days alternating between the elliptical and our stationary bike, remembering how good it feels to break a sweat. Then, the moment I had been waiting for was upon me. This past Saturday I was sitting next to my husband Jason, lacing up my running shoes and leashing up our dogs to head out for a one mile run.

Our plan was simple: Walk the first bit until we reached the flat, soft greenway, then slowly begin to run. I was so nervous as we walked towards the greenway. I started wondering what I would do if we started and my leg started hurting again. Would I admit it and stop? Would I try for just a few more steps to try and shake out the cobwebs? Would I deny it all together and run the mile then tell Jason that it hurt? To my relief, the moment we hit the greenway and began to run I knew it would be alright. My entire body hurt. My hips were stiff, my knees were sore, even my feet hurt ... it was the best feeling in the world. There were no stabbing pains, just the sweet feeling of being sore. At one point I had to ask Jason to slow down because I was having trouble keeping up, and for the first time ever I was happy to see one of the dogs slow down for a potty break. I have no idea how fast/slow we were going, but we made it.

On our walk back to the house I had two thoughts running through my mind:
(1) This must be why people don't like running, that was actually hard
(2) I can't wait to do it again tomorrow!